Emptiness

I feel sooo hollow!

months has passed of me numbing my pain and it hasn't been until recently that i feel the hollowness, the emptiness that i feel in my heart. I never knew how much a person could affect me. Loosing him was not only loosing a boyfriend it was like loosing a partner, a best friend and a lover. He was there for me when i fell and was there to always pick me up, seeing here like seeing a stranger just breaks my heart. We used to be the closest of friends but now we walk pass each other like we're just two random people walking in the streets.

We shares soo many laughters and tears, he made me laugh, he made me cry and most of the time he made me angry but at the end of the day i gaze at his eyes and know that no matter how much we were fighting he would always be there for me.

There is no way i can describe how much i miss him, i have been numbing my heartache with all sorts of things and only now do i feel that these methods have not healed me but they have damaged me more. If only i can turn back time i would, i may have new friends and not to say i am not happy now but i was far more at home two years ago then i am now.

Growing up is a bitch and i am stuck here in the middle which sucks.. for the time being, i hope i can move on with my life but right now i can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, i may look back on these old post saying "how silly of me to say all of these things!" but right now i wish i can just sleep and live through my past memories which was oh so dear to me.

A New Beginning

2 years has passed yet it only felt like yesterday my world was perfect and today everything is just crumbling all around me. A new year, a new job, new friends and a new beginning for me.

This year has by far been the most unpredictable, scary and exhilarating roller coaster i have ever been on. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows i end up here... still alive... still living..

Right now i feel so alone because everything i ever knew is gone. There's a void in my life that can't be filled anytime soon. In my previous blog entries it mentions.. a boy stole a piece of my heart and that if that person was to leave there would be a hole in my heart and i would die.. obviously i did not die because i'm writing this, but a piece of me did die. I'm not the same person i was two years ago and i'm actually not sure whether i changed for the good.

I feel that i have grown tremendously, i am no longer a "child". Things are rapidly changing and i know it's part of growing but i still find it so damn hard. Getting used to being an adult is harder than i ever imagined, i thought that after year 12 my life would just be perfect, oh how i regret wishing 2009 would end fast.

baby boy i love you sooo much! i miss you soo much! i miss us! i miss your kisses.. i miss your touches...i miss our talks... i miss your hugs.. but most of all i miss hearing you say "i love you" what i wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and just cherish all of those precious momments i spent with you, because those momments are the only time i am most happiest!

Always and Forever sweety..