Emptiness

I feel sooo hollow!

months has passed of me numbing my pain and it hasn't been until recently that i feel the hollowness, the emptiness that i feel in my heart. I never knew how much a person could affect me. Loosing him was not only loosing a boyfriend it was like loosing a partner, a best friend and a lover. He was there for me when i fell and was there to always pick me up, seeing here like seeing a stranger just breaks my heart. We used to be the closest of friends but now we walk pass each other like we're just two random people walking in the streets.

We shares soo many laughters and tears, he made me laugh, he made me cry and most of the time he made me angry but at the end of the day i gaze at his eyes and know that no matter how much we were fighting he would always be there for me.

There is no way i can describe how much i miss him, i have been numbing my heartache with all sorts of things and only now do i feel that these methods have not healed me but they have damaged me more. If only i can turn back time i would, i may have new friends and not to say i am not happy now but i was far more at home two years ago then i am now.

Growing up is a bitch and i am stuck here in the middle which sucks.. for the time being, i hope i can move on with my life but right now i can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, i may look back on these old post saying "how silly of me to say all of these things!" but right now i wish i can just sleep and live through my past memories which was oh so dear to me.

A New Beginning

2 years has passed yet it only felt like yesterday my world was perfect and today everything is just crumbling all around me. A new year, a new job, new friends and a new beginning for me.

This year has by far been the most unpredictable, scary and exhilarating roller coaster i have ever been on. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows i end up here... still alive... still living..

Right now i feel so alone because everything i ever knew is gone. There's a void in my life that can't be filled anytime soon. In my previous blog entries it mentions.. a boy stole a piece of my heart and that if that person was to leave there would be a hole in my heart and i would die.. obviously i did not die because i'm writing this, but a piece of me did die. I'm not the same person i was two years ago and i'm actually not sure whether i changed for the good.

I feel that i have grown tremendously, i am no longer a "child". Things are rapidly changing and i know it's part of growing but i still find it so damn hard. Getting used to being an adult is harder than i ever imagined, i thought that after year 12 my life would just be perfect, oh how i regret wishing 2009 would end fast.

baby boy i love you sooo much! i miss you soo much! i miss us! i miss your kisses.. i miss your touches...i miss our talks... i miss your hugs.. but most of all i miss hearing you say "i love you" what i wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and just cherish all of those precious momments i spent with you, because those momments are the only time i am most happiest!

Always and Forever sweety..

Boring Day!

sooo today i had my history exam...which in my opinion was easy.... but then again i shouldn't jinx it incase i frikin FAIL the whole thing!!

hmmmm ... atm im soo bored and what better way to entertain me?

CUP BEATING!!

you may wonder what cup beating is!?!

(<<<

i'm also obsessed with BUBBI! lol abit stalkish there CLAUDIA! but she's this chick on youtube who's like a beauty guru and she's mega awsome! and if anyone is ever in need of fashion, makeup or beauty tips just go on her website http://www.bubzbeauty.com/ and browse through her vid's :D

well it's kinda late now and i should really sleep zzZZZ coz 2morrow must wake up early to jog if i wanna lose weight and become as skinny as BUBBI! hehehe ^^

GOODNIGHT LOVELIES <3

SOOO LONG!

OMG! i haven't blogged in sooooo long.... but my baby just reminded me that my account still exited LOL!

hmm this blog is gunna b short coz i have frikin exams in 2 hours!!!! ARGHHHHHHH

nyways i just wanted 2 say my life IN 2009 has bit soo shitty!!! i hate yr 12 and i hate everything about this year! everything is sooo stressful and all my frens are leaving me 2 go 2 a uni prep course T_T honestly i wished i could turn back time and re-live my wonderful year... 2008!! it was the best year of my life... shopping, playing, partying, drinking, the year i met my baby, and EVERYTHING!!! can't wait for this year 2 end GRRRRR!!!!!!

HAPPY 6 MONTHS BABY

YAY omg i can't believe that it's been 6 months already!! time goes heaps fast when you're having fun aye!! sweety i just want to say that you are my prince charming and im sooo glad that i found you hehehe... honestly you are the most amazing guy a girl could ever ask for i love you with ALL my heart...i don't think i have to say much to let you know how much i care about you...coz i'm sure you already know :D


I LOVE YOU JACO COETZER <3






ALWAYS AND FOREVER ...

I Will NEVER 4get This Night

Jaco my dear..you mean the world to me!! i love you with ALL my heart and i hope you do to!

I will never ever 4get this day no matter what!! BABY ur sooo special 2 me :D

Love YOU Alwayz and Forever xoxo

Dunno Wot i'd Do if I Aint got YOU

lalalalalalalala i'm soo bored ryt now bleh...

aha sooo 2day i got my chem n physics exams back HoLy MoTher FoOker... >.< anywayz i failed them T_T sigh...well there's always nxt semester ryt!?!

so 2 other news, 1st day of "real" skool...shyt assss coz lyk it was cold and raining and since i take the bus 2 and from skool i got wet (aha not in a good way...nothing SUSS).. HAHAHA me met baby at the traino and it was sooooooo sweet coz coz he woke up early just for me (I seriously sumtyms think that i dnt deserve such an awsome guy ^^) hehe skool was sooooo boring Y_Y english was gay, chem was alright, CnE was meh, then Physics n intro was alright...H.B woah SOOOOOO BORINGGGGG almost fell asleep but i got 84% for my validation test altho Mitch did beat me poo u smarty pants!!!

after skool melissa made the most funniest comment bout Miss N... HAHAHA

Mellissa- Is that Miss N's mum?
Me- i dnt think so aye
Mellissa- I bet You it is!!

Miss N running towards the lady

Mellissa- I TOLD YOU !!
Me- HAHAHAHA yea...y she not wearing stockings?
Mellissa- aha coz she strong..yeah she wants to show every1 she's strong...well she is coz of her...uhhmmmm fat >.<
Me n Ivy- HAHAHAHA
Me- HAHAHA yeah LIPIDS!!!!

anywayz... met up wid baby at the traino...and Mina iz soo funny aye..i swear if he had long hair he'd look damn pretty XD HAHAHAHA sigh soo me n baby had a really WRONG convo in da bus involving me n Jay chou HAHAHAHA i shant say wot but yeeeee it was really WRONG WRONG WRONG hahaha well must go practice ZE piano ciao xxx